The Tourist Route

I have a weird relationship with Parasite Eve.

Parasite Eve is easily one of my favorite games, and over the years collecting things related to it has become a hobby in its own right. I own the US and Japanese releases of both Parasite Eve and Parasite Eve II, along with a copy of the confusingly named The 3rd Birthday for PSP. I have both soundtracks (and the remixes) on CD, the Japanese movie on DVD, an English translation of the original novel in physical and digital form, and three volumes of manga that I can't actually read because it's all in Japanese.

I also have the issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly with Aya Brea on the cover from around the time the game was being introduced to American audiences. I have the game installed through the PlayStation store on several Sony systems, and emulated from my own discs on more computers than is, frankly, necessary. Hell, I once managed to get it running on a period-correct Mac using a commercial PlayStation emulator from around that same timeframe.

In fact, getting Parasite Eve running has become part of my ritual when configuring a new computer.

Whenever I get a new computer, handheld, or other sufficiently computer-shaped object, eventually an emulator gets installed and Parasite Eve gets loaded. Once I reach the title screen, I take a screenshot and post it in Discord as proof of life for whatever system I've cobbled together.

To me, the system is not really commissioned until that opening FMV has finished and the title screen settles into place.

Given all of this, one might reasonably assume that I have finished Parasite Eve several times.

Nope. I have, in fact, finished it nones of times.

The strange thing is I'm not particularly bothered by this. I know the story. I've watched others finish it. I know what happens after the parts I've played. I simply struggle with keeping leveled appropriately, and, more importantly, I've reached a point where not finishing the game is just kind of my thing.

Most of the time when I play Parasite Eve, I start a new game, play for a few hours, then stop when I've had my fill. The next time I feel like playing, I start over from the beginning.

I like the beginning.

I like Carnegie Hall, NYPD station, Central Park, the music, the characters, and the slow realization that the holidays are fucked forever. I love seeing Aya be equally confused and annoyed at everything happening around her, acting like the last sane person in a world gone mad. Hell, I even like the very clunky explanation of mitochondria being the powerhouse of the cell, and now that they are awake they are very pissed.

This cycle has been going on for years.

There was a moment when I made an honest effort to finish it. I played for a while and was making actual progress, by my standards anyway, until I discovered that my save game had not, actually, saved my game and that the emulator save states had not, actually, saved any states.

In retrospect, this feels less like a technical issue and more like the universe restoring balance.

It would be easier to write this off as one strange relationship I have with one particular franchise, except I've managed to do something very similar with Silent Hill.

I own literally all of the games in physical format that have been made available in physical format. I've even played some amount of every one of them.

I have never rolled credits on a single one.

Obviously, this runs contrary to how most people approach games. Games come with an implied structure: start at the beginning, overcome obstacles, get better at the mechanics, defeat the bosses, and eventually watch the end credits. Hell, we even talk about games using language that borders on work, using terms more aligned with project management than recreation. We have "backlogs", "completion percentages", "achievements", "objectives", and so on.

I have, in contrast, rejected the notion that there is a right way to play a game, that games demand to be completed.

Which brings me to the way I "played" Elden Ring.

Previous Souls-like games frustrated the hell out of me. I understood what they wanted: learn patterns, practice timing, die, rinse and repeat until you Get Gud.

I have neither the patience nor the particular set of skills required to succeed in that world.

So when I bought Elden Ring, I didn't even try. I had no interest in mastering Souls-combat, in throwing myself into a grinder for hours until I finally managed to beat the gory rhythm game.

It was an open world, and I made the only sane choice one could make when confronted by eldritch monstrosities: I said no fucking thank you, and left.

Elden Ring had a horse, a very large map, and an impressive number of ways to avoid doing what I was supposed to be doing. There were roads, caves, cliffs, underground passages, teleporters, shortcuts, and a surprising number of places that could be reached through a combination of persistence, creative jumping, and absolutely zero respect for the intended order or gameplay design.

I chose not to be the hero of Elden Ring. Instead, I role-played a simple tourist in the Lands Between.

The demigods had their problems and I had mine. They wanted me to fight them (possibly to end their suffering, possibly to end mine), and I wanted to know what was over the next hill. Since our goals were incompatible, I just left them the fuck alone.

I rode Torrent around the countryside. I poked around ruins, wandered underground, found shortcuts, and reached areas I had absolutely no business visiting. For the most part I killed things only when they wouldn't leave me alone, but generally the grand struggle over the Elden Ring was simply not my problem.

I was there to see the sights and take some pictures.

As you can see, I like absurdism, and I enjoy committing to a bit a little too much sometimes.

There is a difference between failing to finish something and deciding that finishing isn't the point. I have never abandoned Parasite Eve. Quite the opposite. I have probably spent more time with it than I have with most games I've actually finished. I simply spend a disproportionate amount of that time in late December of 1997.

Likewise, I don't think I failed at Elden Ring just because I never became Elden Lord. I never particularly wanted to become Elden Lord. I wanted to explore the Lands Between, and I did.

Beautiful scenery. Interesting architecture. Locals surprisingly hostile.

Would visit again.

I'm realising that I have a choice in how I approach all media, and if I just care about the journey, I can just spend time with that. There's nothing wrong with just piddling about, exploring the levels, listening to the music and soaking in the atmosphere. If I just want to wander around the foggy murder town filled with nightmare creatures without ever finding my missing daughter, the cult that killed my father, facing my involvement in the death of my sick wife, or whatever the fuck was going on in The Room, that's totally okay. As long as I'm having fun playing the game, that's all that actually matters.

Which is good, because I've never finished the Parasite Eve novel either.

Or the movie.

I have, however, listened to soundtracks all the way through.

I'm not a complete monster.